Struggle Bus.

I’m going to try and not make this a “woe is me” post because it’s not intended to be, not really. And not a medical post, at least not entirely, because this is a horse blog. But, it all really relates, sort of? Horse stuff further down.

Harry Potter desk characters taking up space on my cluttered desk

It’s starts with me. I’m falling apart. I mean, I fall apart every year at this time through spring, but this year is worse. Chronic illnesses just suck. My migraines seem to be as bad as ever (though it seems I have a week reprieve thanks to my month migraine injection… used to help more, but now a decent week is all I get). That combined with fall just makes things hard. I had a meltdown at the neurologist the other week where he suggested we try more (additional) medication and I just said no. So, I’m going to try Botox instead starting in December assuming insurance doesn’t have anything to say about it. I’m sick of drugs (though I’ll continue my millions I already take).

I f your going to spend millions, spend it on Biscuit in a box

Then add in my asthma taking a random turn for the worse. I guess it’s been getting bad for a while and I’ve been ignoring it (lack of oxygen probably explains my exhaustion), but really not being able to breathe is no fun. Finding yourself in danger zones in breathing tests is scary too. So more medication/changed medication and 2x/day nebulizer treatments (since I have so much free time) and we’ll see? Drs office wanted a follow up Friday but I’m not missing jump crew for YEH at Fair Hill for anything so Monday.

Add in random new food allergies (suddenly developed a soy allergy to add to dairy and gluten), I’m falling apart.

First vendor table the other week

Then there is Batt. He’s doing OK-ish. He’d be great if he could have ventipulmin daily but that’s NOT in my budget. Daily I’d be going through probably $600 worth/month and I can’t do that. I can’t do $300 worth of ventipulmin a month. So, I use it to get rid of the worst attacks, then hope the steroids do their job. We’re trying to get him consistent on prednisalone every other day, but every time I get him there, he has another attack and we’re back to daily plus ventipulmin. And the more you use ventipulmin, the more you need.

I need to order more steroids today to add to my growing vet bill. The only thing I haven’t tried is albuterol syrup. It’s cheap so that’s the last thing on the list. He’s also getting 30 Zyrtec (thank you Costco generic)/day down from his loading dose of 40 which seem to help much more than when he was on the 20/day. He also gets Air Power each morning.

Love him, but sometimes…

Right now he’s OK, but this brings me to the question, when is enough enough? I’m not there now, but if I can’t control with steroids and the occasional ventipulmin, I might be there because financially, he’s sucking all my money. Chronic illnesses suck and it’s not like this one is getting better, but rather worse. It’s a ticking time bomb between attacks. Now, if we go 6 months between attacks, great, but 4-5 weeks, that’s what’s killing me!

Do you have a limit? If it was just Batt, it would be easier, but… I could funnel lesson money into his medication, but again, for how long? Over time he’s going to build resistance and need more and more and more… I’m asking questions now while I’m not facing a decision (just this month’s 1k vet bill for his medication and a couple other things). But it’s not sustainable if he’s not manageable.

Favorite times of the year!

Anyway, depressing post. Positive? Fair Hill jogs start today! Not sure I’ll make it for the jogs before I have to volunteer, but I’ll be there for dressage tomorrow, YEH Friday, cross country Saturday, and Stadium Sunday! Looking forward to an exhausting few days!

Weather. Abscesses. Hay.

Went back to work on Wednesday. I wasn’t ready for vacation to end, but end it did. It hasn’t been terrible being back, but being at home is so much more fun than work. That said, I’ve had headaches every day since Tuesday so  that hasn’t made things easier. In addition, I’ve felt really run down which hasn’t helped either. I’m afraid I’m fighting something. Just what I need. To get sick. I also need to get a flu shot which will definitely mean getting sick which is why I haven’t gotten it yet. This week. This week I’ll get the flu shot and likely get to take a sick day. Great. Being home will be nice, but not when I’m miserable from getting sick from the stupid flu shot…

The ground has been super frozen since who knows when. Prior to freezing, we had a crazy amount of rain which resulted in mud. Now I have ugly frozen mud. Not fun. Horses are miserable due to the frozen (and deep in some places) foot prints throughout the paddock/field. Just what I need. Right now I need spring so that the frozen ground can become unfrozen and the ground ultimately become normal again.

I’ve discovered why this riding thing is so hard. Being at home is a part of it, but mainly my issue is that it’s winter. I hate the winter. I hate the ground. I hate the season. I never like winter and over the past few years, I can’t say I ever have ridden consistently. So why should this year be any different? If I don’t like winter riding, why do more of it than I have to?

So I’m just going to continue to ride when I can and forget the rest. Expectations, etc. Sandra came out today and despite my hopes that the warmer weather would lead to softer ground, no such luck. It’s going to take several days in the 40+ degree temperatures so that the ground can start unfreezing. Anyway, we mostly walked. Batts wasn’t overly comfortable and lots of trotting isn’t yet in the plans for me and Subi. So we worked them both hard at the walk. Subi was awesome. He’s really starting to get it and our work on framing and carriage has come a long way.  I do have to say at this point I’d love some dressage lessons… Anyway, back to the ride. I mostly walked with Subi, but we did through in some trotting and he was awesome. I could feel how hard he was thinking AND how much he was trying. Plus, he’s getting more and more muscled the more we work. Have I mention lately how much I love that horse? Even when he’s a jerk, I still love that horse.

Batts and Sandra worked on hind end work as well. Poor horse was so confused, but he seemed happy whenever everything clicked. And, like Subi, poor guy was exhausted. That said, hopefully if we get him going nicely at the walk, we’ll be ready to do the same at the trot when the ground improves.

Poor Hayley, likely as a result of the ground, appears to have an abscess. Just what that poor mare needs. Her feet have been doing great, but I’m assuming with the ground… Poor girl. I hate seeing her miserable.

Speaking of miserable… The horses are driving me nuts. They’ve been finicky about their hay. Sometimes not touching much of it, sometimes demolishing it, lately a combination of the two. Now, this is the same hay they’ve been eating and cleaning up in a few short hours until last week. Now? Who knows. I thought I had a bad bale or two, but if I put the hay out a second time, they have been finishing it and then not eating the new stuff… They’re also eating it on the ground and not always in the nets? Maybe they’re protesting the hay nets? Not that they haven’t had nets for the last year plus… I’m starting to think that maybe the ground where the nets are is bothering them and that more of the issue? I don’t have a clue but they’re driving me nuts.