Struggle Bus.

I’m going to try and not make this a “woe is me” post because it’s not intended to be, not really. And not a medical post, at least not entirely, because this is a horse blog. But, it all really relates, sort of? Horse stuff further down.

Harry Potter desk characters taking up space on my cluttered desk

It’s starts with me. I’m falling apart. I mean, I fall apart every year at this time through spring, but this year is worse. Chronic illnesses just suck. My migraines seem to be as bad as ever (though it seems I have a week reprieve thanks to my month migraine injection… used to help more, but now a decent week is all I get). That combined with fall just makes things hard. I had a meltdown at the neurologist the other week where he suggested we try more (additional) medication and I just said no. So, I’m going to try Botox instead starting in December assuming insurance doesn’t have anything to say about it. I’m sick of drugs (though I’ll continue my millions I already take).

I f your going to spend millions, spend it on Biscuit in a box

Then add in my asthma taking a random turn for the worse. I guess it’s been getting bad for a while and I’ve been ignoring it (lack of oxygen probably explains my exhaustion), but really not being able to breathe is no fun. Finding yourself in danger zones in breathing tests is scary too. So more medication/changed medication and 2x/day nebulizer treatments (since I have so much free time) and we’ll see? Drs office wanted a follow up Friday but I’m not missing jump crew for YEH at Fair Hill for anything so Monday.

Add in random new food allergies (suddenly developed a soy allergy to add to dairy and gluten), I’m falling apart.

First vendor table the other week

Then there is Batt. He’s doing OK-ish. He’d be great if he could have ventipulmin daily but that’s NOT in my budget. Daily I’d be going through probably $600 worth/month and I can’t do that. I can’t do $300 worth of ventipulmin a month. So, I use it to get rid of the worst attacks, then hope the steroids do their job. We’re trying to get him consistent on prednisalone every other day, but every time I get him there, he has another attack and we’re back to daily plus ventipulmin. And the more you use ventipulmin, the more you need.

I need to order more steroids today to add to my growing vet bill. The only thing I haven’t tried is albuterol syrup. It’s cheap so that’s the last thing on the list. He’s also getting 30 Zyrtec (thank you Costco generic)/day down from his loading dose of 40 which seem to help much more than when he was on the 20/day. He also gets Air Power each morning.

Love him, but sometimes…

Right now he’s OK, but this brings me to the question, when is enough enough? I’m not there now, but if I can’t control with steroids and the occasional ventipulmin, I might be there because financially, he’s sucking all my money. Chronic illnesses suck and it’s not like this one is getting better, but rather worse. It’s a ticking time bomb between attacks. Now, if we go 6 months between attacks, great, but 4-5 weeks, that’s what’s killing me!

Do you have a limit? If it was just Batt, it would be easier, but… I could funnel lesson money into his medication, but again, for how long? Over time he’s going to build resistance and need more and more and more… I’m asking questions now while I’m not facing a decision (just this month’s 1k vet bill for his medication and a couple other things). But it’s not sustainable if he’s not manageable.

Favorite times of the year!

Anyway, depressing post. Positive? Fair Hill jogs start today! Not sure I’ll make it for the jogs before I have to volunteer, but I’ll be there for dressage tomorrow, YEH Friday, cross country Saturday, and Stadium Sunday! Looking forward to an exhausting few days!