I’ve started this post every day for a week and I just can’t seem to actually write it.

We said goodbye to Jiminy on Wednesday morning. He’s free. He’s pain free. It was the 100% the right decision.

But, I’m completely struggling with his loss. More than I ever expected.

I’m not traumatized, I don’t regret the decision, but I just don’t feel at peace. Not even close. It didn’t feel easy, he didn’t feel like he wanted to go and fought until the end to stay. He was a spitfire even in his last moments just like in life.

Jiminy joined us in at the end of July 2015. He helped fill the void left by Hayley.

He was immediately Subi’s best friend. He idolized Subi. He and Batt tolerated each other–on a good day, and hated each other–on a bad day. But Subi? Subi was his best friend. He’d follow him around. Play halter tag/face tag with him. He’d use him as a rain shelter (literally. he’d stand UNDERNEATH him. Subi did not care). He’d help himself to Subi’s feed (Subi was happy to share). He just worshiped the ground on which Subi walked.

When we lost Batt, he stayed as close to Subi as he could though it wasn’t necessarily enough. But, in the end, after Nay Nay joined the family, Subi and Jiminy were glued together again until Subi’s last days.

Nay Nay and Jiminy were never that close. Jiminy was the pesky little brother who was always eating Nay Nay’s food. But, Nay Nay always needed to know where he was. They generally stayed close. Very close. And enjoyed the same hobby. Food. Despite annoying each other (it went both ways), they got along very well. Nay Nay may have been a bully but Jiminy was a little pest and earned most of the shit he got (which…wasn’t much). They mostly played musical hay cubes, at hay, and napped. After we let him go, I walked Nay Nay over and he just stood over Jiminy, staring at him for a good 10 minutes or so. It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever witnessed.

It wasn’t all sunshine with Jiminy. He learned the art of escapology in his early years with us. I can remember being in Seattle and my marriage almost ending when Jiminy was running loose and my husband couldn’t catching not once, not twice, but three times. It was only then that he listen and left him in the shed with the gate closed until I returned. He is the reason for all the electric wire and extra fencing. He also learned that his muzzle is a good tool to tear apart electric fencing without getting shocked.

Jiminy hated water. And rain. Give him a bath and die. Truly. For a pony that loved being groomed, he hated baths. And he loved his blankets. I made an early mistake of not blanketing and then it rained. He would try and kick you in the head if he wasn’t wearing a blanket. Toss one on? Happy boy. We ultimately compromised and clipped and blanketed and he was the happiest pony in the world.

I could write more about all his struggles with IR, cushings, laminitis, winter founders, etc., but what is there to say? His body fought against him. For a mini in perfect weight, he just wasn’t meant to be here any longer than 13 years.

Goodbye Jiminy. Be free. Be pain free. Be with Subi. I’ll miss you always.