“Why can’t you see, are you afraid to be exposed to the demons around you?”

Long and in need of advice… Pictures at bottom.

I’ve hesitated posting again until I know what’s going on. I need to get the vet out, but, with daylight savings times beginning Sunday, I want additional data before I call.

You see, things have gotten worse since I last wrote. A little worse. Then a lot worse. And by a lot worse, I mean I cried for days and thinking about how bad the other night was, I’m almost crying now.

Over the last week, Subi was OK. Not great, but OK. If I walked him in as much light as possible (under the house flood lights), he was pretty good. Not great, but fine. Over the weekend I tried to bring him in during the daylight. Things were fine. A rear or 2, but I ignored it and we were fine. Fine. Everything was fine.

The Monday happened.

He was on edge from the moment I put his halter and chain on. I’ve been using the chain because I don’t feel like I have enough control if I need it without. I have used the chain, but mostly it’s just there. We had weather overnight, but that was about it. Cold front was coming it. But that’s happened before. He was a jerk. But whatever. I got him out of the field and I wasn’t there. I had zero control.

I tried my backing and halting. Things escalated. If I touched his head, things escalated. Suddenly all that was happening was rearing and bolting. He wouldn’t stop rearing. Or bolting. He was trotting circles around me. He tripped over the septic tank viewer things and reared again. And again. And again. Somehow we kept moving and rearing and moving. I gave up trying to get his focus. The more I tried to correct or redirect, the more the behavior escalated. It was like he was in a blind panic. I don’t know how I kept a hold of him. It was like I wasn’t there.

Somehow I got him in his stall. Somehow I got the halter and lead off of him. Somehow I got the door closed. I stayed freaking calm until all that happened. No idea how and then started bawling my eyes out.

He didn’t get his liner on that night.

Next morning? Fine. Daylight. A little looky, but fine.

The following night? It was like I wasn’t there again but I kept his feet moving and didn’t give him a chance to react to anything. We just moved. So, no explosions.

Morning, fine. But, he’s staring at stuff more.

Last night? We moved them before we had dinner buckets ready to get them in while we had daylight. He spooked slightly when my dog made a noise in the field, but it was just a start and shudder (no rear or jump) and he was fine walking to his stall. But, we had daylight. Not a lot, but some.

This morning? I took pictures of his eye. He also craned his entire neck around to look at Batt. The opposite way that you would think would be normal.

One of his eyes was looking cloudy, but I didn’t see it before… One was looking fine.

I’ll be getting the vet out, but… help. Am I seeing something? I know they’re not the greatest pictures…

VS

 

I need help. Completely defeated.

The fire-breathing dragon needs to be tamed.

Instead of getting better, he gets worse.

Please help.

Seriously though, Subi is getting more unpredictable as the days go on. He’s generally pretty good in the mornings and pretty terrible at night. So I guess he is predictable but I can’t seem to fix it beyond that. We were better a month ago… [He’s fine in his stall. He eats, sleeps (evidence is the bedding found all over him including inside his ears), and looks generally relaxed in the morning)

Daylight used to make a difference, not now. Hard ground sometimes makes a difference, but not always. Mushy soft ground (most of the time) makes things worse.

If I do work in hand, it doesn’t necessarily make a difference in how he behaves. He’s spooky and reactive.

Generally though, if I do in hand work on the driveway before tossing him in his stall, he’s great for that. We don’t spook on the driveway even though the driveway is dark and shadowy. Unfortunately, we have to get TO the driveway in order to work there.

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Icy, slushy mess

Last night he got away from me for the first time. Not my finest moment, but I just could not hold on (it was slippery — freezing rain on top of snow made for pretty awful conditions) and he spooked at my husband and reared and I slipped and… I tried to hold on, but he got caught up in the rope and ultimately, I lost my grip. I caught him a second later, but… I’m ashamed that I lost control. I sort of kept him in check the rest of the way, but his brain was lost. Batt was screaming (seriously? Idiot horse didn’t help the situation) but we made it the rest of the way unscathed.

I need to spend a few hours just leading back and forth. Except, when we’re leading just to lead, he seems to know the difference???? We’re planning to install another gate so we can walk through the wood, but we need to cut up a fallen tree first. This will provide a darker path, but a flatter path too… I’ll take a spooking horse on flat surfaces over one on a hill any day.

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Prime…mush.

Anyway, I need help. I’m about to give up. While I don’t mean it, I feel completely defeated.