How To Get Lost In Fair Hill in 8 Simple Steps

In no particular order…

  1. Find wasps in your trailer: I’m allergic to wasps. Instead of focusing on where we were going, my brain was focused on the wasps. If I can’t get rid of these damn wasps THAT KEEP COMING BACK, I’m getting a new trailer. I DON’T CARE IF IT IS AN OVERREACTION!!!! Anyway, I rushed to Oxford Feed, bought wasp spray, got laughed at in my state, used up an entire can, and proceeded to continue to get ready… Despite all of this, I still arrived on time? Turns out, it still only takes me 15 minutes to get to Fair Hill with a loaded trailer…
  2. Don’t plan where you’re going. We chose to leave from the 273 lot (Lot 1) mostly because it’s the easiest lot to park in, but we had no actual plan where we were going. We started off taking a different trail and within 10 minutes found our way right back to the parking lot.img_7447
  3. It’s too muddy to trot. Enough said. You move a lot slower at the walk stop paying attention after awhile to where you are…
  4. Let your idiot horse pick the way. This is 100% Michele’s fault. Batt does NOT like to take the same path twice. So, after the incident at the bridge where Batt and Remus chose NOT to go over and the idiot children where gawking, we turned left rather than walking straight (the direction I knew). Then Michele let Batty take the lead as he started COUGHING standing behind Remus because he’s an idiot and doesn’t like to be behind and be bored (theory was tested. Coughing stopped the SECOND he had the lead). Then Batt chose every path not taken. This horse usually starts to sulk and shuffle his feet the second he has to turn back for home.  I never promised my horse knew where we were going. In fact, he likes to go where he’s never been before. This is 100% the way to get LOST.
  5. Try to decipher Fair Hill maps. How about a YOU ARE HERE sticker? hello? A map is NOT helpful if you can’t figure out where the hell you are…img_7479
  6. Find your way back to your trailer and tell your horse he is an idiot. He is exhausted and blames YOU for the crazy long ride that HE took you on by getting lost. He also manages to take on his bridle standing in the parking lot (he partially takes in off on the trail but you save it). You pull out of the parking lot at 6:30, 3.5 hours after getting on your horse.img_7466-1
  7. Children and bridges. When you try and avoid children and bridges, you get lost. First off, why are tiny children riding bicycles without helmets? Is it not a law in Maryland? The children had to be under 10. Batt doesn’t actually care, but that’s not the point. I was not in the mood to be near tiny children on tiny bicycles. Nor was Remus. And bridges. The idiots were overreacting to this one bridge and no amount of beating was going to get Remus over it. He was too focused on children. After that, we just wanted out of the area. Running away=getting lost.

    img_7488

    Finally a brave chicken!

  8. I have no sense of direction. In what world should I be in charge of directions? Just saying….

10 thoughts on “How To Get Lost In Fair Hill in 8 Simple Steps

  1. Omg! You’re the Sarah in Michele’s post! I’ll have to follow your blog…we hear a lot about ya over there 🙂

    What kind of map doesn’t tell you where you are!?

    • That would be me! Though maybe that’s not a good thing…

      Fair Hill maps are HORRIBLE. Here’s a map of the park. Good luck finding out where you are… If you know where you are it might help you. If you don’t… At least we knew what trail we were on?

  2. lololol and so fair hill claims another set of victims!!!! seriously in the paper chase i went on there a few years back, they legit almost sent out a search party for us…. a mountain biker had to help us out of the never ending loop we found ourselves stuck on, somehow. lol sigh. sounds like you guys had a blast tho – glad you were able to make it happen despite those damned wasps!

  3. dying laughing AGAIN OMG it was so much fun and we are two peas in a pod for sure 🙂 HA HA HA HA omg….

    that map was RIDICULOUS. First off i couldnt see it cause i couldnt read its tiny print without my glasses and Sarah had to stand there for like 10 minutes trying to decipher it.

    To be fair Fair Hill needs to mow their fields. OMG some of the grass was taller than my legs on Remus (Remus was literally side passing to get to the field so he could eat as we walked).

    I am going to get Sarah a wasp farm for a going away present from me 😉 HA HA

    • A wasp farm, just what I need! How did you know? What will I do without you? Why haven’t you left yet? And why haven’t you left me Ollie? Haha

      That map though… Who could read it and who could understand it? Seriously? I need to start carrying a magnifying glass with me. Thanks Fair Hill… It looks like they’ve mowed more since Friday though. Of course they have… We’re not riding!!!!

      I will miss you. Maybe.

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