Struggling.

Thank you all for the kind comments. I’ll try and respond at some point, I’m just not ready yet.

I’m missing Batty so freaking much. Him and his big nose. The best selfie horse ever. I haven’t brought myself to go into his stall. Erik picked it Wednesday, but his buckets are still full of water (unless he emptied them today). We’ll eventually move Jiminy before winter, but not yet. I’m not ready and I need to scrub the walls.

Subi. Subi is struggling as much, if not more, than I am. He’s not eating and is anxious and stressed. This morning, he barreled past Erik out of his stall and galloped loose around the neighborhood for forever. Fine, 10-15 minutes. I’m sure my neighbors’ yards are torn up. He noticed horses across the creek and tried to find out how to get to them (they were screaming back). There is no easy way as they all involve steep hills and jumping creeks. He almost ran me down and crashed into trees. We’re talking blind panic. Finally he ran into his turn out. And continues screaming but stopped running as fast (exhaustion) and eventually stopped. We got Jiminy in.

I ended up calling the emergency vet number and talked to the on-call vet who happened to be an intern who was there with Batty and was prepared that Subi might not deal (I’m guessing they pushed this case off to an intern as it wasn’t critical). She came out, brought drugs, and even though he was calm, got him calmer. Then we started reserpine because, at this point, we both need help. He ate 3/4 of his breakfast at 4:45 outside which is something. I’m going to leave him out a little later tonight because he seems happier outside before bringing him in. I’d leave him outside completely, but he won’t eat hay outside and he’s grazing some but there really isn’t that much grass.

So ER vet call 3 this week.

Needless to say, I’m not coping to well and am considering giving up horses and taking up pottery. I can be the angry potter or something. But, part of me wishes I could react to all of this like Subi and just run around, out of control screaming or throwing things…

I just miss him so much. My heart is so broken. I still have to cancel the rest of his supplements, but I can’t yet because I need to give a reason why and it’s hard.

I hate this!!!!

10 thoughts on “Struggling.

  1. Do not worry about responding. We get it.
    I get the feeling the need to run and scream and throw things. It’s ok to feel that way. I have a bunch of posts about Irish and I coming to terms with our loss. It might help. Or it might not. (December 2015/ January 2015). If you need someone to cancel his supplements get a friend to do it. I’d do it for you. It took me 2 years before I could talk about Steele’s death without crying. It takes as long as it takes. Which is trite but also true.

    Ace he,led Irish and then getting him a companion.

  2. I hope Subi settles down some as I know that will help you in your struggle!! I think we need to frame that second photo of Remus and Batty So cute!

    I hope Subi realizes soon that Jiminy while pintsized is an adequate companion. Hugs to you.

  3. Feeling that way is perfectly reasonable and normal. I know that doesn’t help but honestly
    take as long as you need be that a week, a month or a decade. You can’t rush healing. Subi will calm down too in time. Give him some extra loving

  4. I’m so sorry. It’s never ever easy. I remember feeling the same way having to cancel Stella’s meds. I just couldn’t call and say the words…
    And honestly, maybe running around screaming will help. It’s worth a shot!

    • Yeah you never know. I’m going to put Subi to work this weekend even if he’s partially crippled just to work his brain. I’ll tack him up, throw tarps at him, and all that. Not getting on but tiring his brain.

      I ended up using smartpak and chewy’s chats. Smartpak bothers me bc you can’t easily cancel without a reason and filling out a survey. I just didn’t want to select the reason. I could type but I didn’t want to select via a drop down and have them tell me to reconsider… so I made them cancel for me. Chewy wasn’t as bad but I needed to chat with them so they could do math to figure out how often I’d need one of my items and I just didn’t feel like doing it so I made the guy I was talking to take care of it.

  5. I am really, really sorry. This is the worst, and I imagine Subi being upset just amplifies your own feelings. Sending you positive jingles that peace is just around the corner.

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